I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
