The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
