I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Say something about gay babies.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
