the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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