so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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