So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
