The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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