did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
