im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
