Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
