Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
