Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
