Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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