What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
