Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Randomize
