Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
