the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How naked do you want me to be?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
