If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
