she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's like iHOP with fire
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
