Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
