i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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