im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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