'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
