we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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