i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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