last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
