You really coming over, don't trick.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
