I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Text me some of your sweat
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
