Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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