I need to stop coming to work sober
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
