I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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