He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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