if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
