I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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