cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
