I think I won the penis lottery.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
