I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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