It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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