Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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