the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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