I think I am morally bankrupt
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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