i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Come on in and take your pants off
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