It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
