Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
