We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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