there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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