Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
