Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
