i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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