I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I deserve this hangover.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
