why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
