i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
